Basic Resolutions
by Jordan Trevor
Summary: When Commander Chakotay is injured on an away mission, Kes and the Doctor insist that the captain is the best person to help him recover. Can Kathryn Janeway help her first officer find his way back to the man he used to be?
1. Chapter 1

**Basic Resolutions**

**Author's Notes: **I wrote this story in 1996, and it was originally published in _Delta Quadrant 4_. This story takes place shortly after "Resolutions."

"We're just going to leave?"

B'Elanna Torres leaned over the captain's desk, her eyes wide, her expression one of disbelief. It was an effort for her to hold in her anger, and she could feel herself trembling.

Janeway could see it: the tightness in the engineer's face, the rigid set of her shoulders, the hands that shook slightly despite the fact that they were braced solidly on the desk before her.

"Yes, Lieutenant," the captain answered in a measured tone, _"_we're going to leave. And we're going to consider ourselves damned lucky to have gotten them back."

Torres shook her head as she pulled back from her position. "But what they did... what they tried to do..."

"Is an accepted practice in their culture," Janeway defined. "And although we may not agree with their methods, we have no right to... seek revenge." She studied the young woman standing in front of her. She could see the anger and fear in her dark eyes. And she could sense her feelings of helplessness. They were feelings Janeway felt all too well. "B'Elanna..." Her tone softened. "I know how you feel. How we all feel. But there's nothing we can do except leave. Retaliation won't... solve the problem."

"But it was a mistake," Torres persisted, although the harshness in her voice was fading. "It was… a bar fight. They... he... didn't deserve what was done to him."

Janeway swallowed around the lump in her throat; she could feel tears stinging her eyes. "No, he didn't deserve it. And we will do everything we can to help him. But punishing the Delsorians won't bring him back. You know that."

Torres blinked at the tears that had suddenly filled her own eyes. She crossed her arms tightly in front of her chest and looked away. She knew the captain was right, but it all felt so wrong.

"B'Elanna," Janeway continued, "I want you to take a few days off. Spend some time in Sickbay. I know the Doctor and Kes would welcome your assistance. And so would Chakotay."

Torres looked back at the captain. "He doesn't even know I'm there."

Janeway felt the fist around her heart twist tighter, and her next breath actually hurt. "Maybe not," she heard her voice responding, "but you'll know."

~vVv~

Delsor was the only habitable planet in a system of eight. Neelix had known very little about it except for the fact that their society had made contact with other space faring civilizations. And, since _Voyager _needed supplies, it had been a logical place to stop. A routine that had played itself out on many a planet already in the Delta Quadrant.

A routine that went terribly awry when Chakotay and Paris found themselves engaged in a brawl in a public meeting place.

_A bar fight._

Torres' words echoed in Janeway's mind. A common, run of the mill, bar fight. And her officers had inadvertently been involved.

They'd been arrested, tried, and convicted before anyone on the ship had even been made aware of the circumstances.

And they'd been too late.

Janeway's hand tightened on the edge of her desk as her mind reviewed the situation. Violence of any type was dealt with swiftly on Delsor. Violators were treated psycho-genically. In some ways, it reminded her of Tom Paris' encounter on the Benean Homeworld. Only this time, Paris had been spared. Tuvok located him before his treatment had been delivered. Commander Chakotay had not been so fortunate.

Janeway reached out and touched the computer in front of her. The Doctor's report outlined the damage that had been done to the first officer's brain. Although many of the higher cognitive functions seemed to be unaffected, the readings were confused. Neural pathways had been partially destroyed, and it was impossible for him to access information or process responses.

The Doctor had a unique way of explaining his condition: _He's in there; we just can't get him out._

The door chime sounded, and Janeway blinked. "Come in," she called, taking a deep breath, and shrugging her shoulders. She brushed her hair back from her forehead.

The door slid open.

"Kes." The captain smiled and rose from her desk. "Come in."

The young Ocampa woman stepped into the ready room, and the door closed behind her. "Please, have a seat." Janeway indicated the chair in front of her desk. Kes sat down on the edge of it. Janeway sank back into her own chair.

"How is Commander Chakotay?" the captain asked, already suspecting the answer to her question.

Kes shook her head. "There's been no change. The Doctor is doing everything he can, but..." She sighed, and her voice trailed off.

"I know he is," Janeway offered, sensing her frustration.

Kes drew in a deep breath and continued. "That's why I'm here, Captain. The Doctor believes there's very little that can be done for the commander from a medical standpoint. The neural pathways can't be fully regenerated, but they can be strengthened and re-trained. Other pathways can actually be taught to assume the responsibility of damaged ones."

Janeway rubbed her hand over her chin. "Yes, I'm familiar with the process."

Kes nodded, a slight smile lighting her eyes. "Someone needs to help him re-learn basic functions; guide him through physical and mental tasks in order for those pathways to grow strong again."

Janeway leaned back in her chair, suddenly following Kes' chain of thought. "You think I'm that someone?" she questioned.

"We both do," Kes answered quickly. "The Doctor and I discussed it."

"And on what do you base this conclusion?" Janeway consciously allowed the scientific portion of her mind to take over; it was safer that way, much easier than trusting her emotions.

"You spent many weeks with Commander Chakotay on New Earth. You've been closer to him than almost anyone else on the crew."

Janeway shook her head. "But he's spent a far greater time with his Maquis shipmates. B'Elanna, for instance. I feel she might be a more appropriate choice."

Kes looked down at the top of the desk for a moment, and then back up into Janeway's eyes. "He may have spent more time with them, but not in the same situation. You and he had to depend upon each other during your stay on the planet. The rapport you developed was very strong. Even stronger than the natural relationship between a captain and a first officer."

Kes hesitated, and Janeway felt as if her eyes were looking through her.

"He needs someone he can trust completely." Kes smiled and reached over and touched the captain's arm. "He needs you."

Janeway was silent for long moments, and then she nodded and cleared her throat. "I...understand. And...I'll have to speak with the Doctor in further detail. I appreciate the fact that you both think that I'm the...best choice for this...position, but..." She smiled weakly. "I'm not sure. I'll... I'll speak with the Doctor."

~vVv~

"Kes is correct, Captain. I have done everything medically possible for the commander. What he needs now is therapy."

"But I'm not a therapist," Janeway replied taking a step closer to the Doctor.

"I am aware of that. I am also aware of the fact that we have no recognized therapists on board. If we did, they would have been appropriated for medical duty." He hesitated for a moment, fixing Janeway with a steady gaze. "Captain, I am simply delineating the best possible treatment for Commander Chakotay. I cannot guarantee that any intervention will be effective, however, I do believe that with your assistance the odds of success will be greater."

Janeway sighed and shook her head slightly, pushing a strand of loose hair away from her face. She moved away from the Doctor and stopped next to the windowed wall of his office. Through the glass, she could see Chakotay lying on a biobed. Kes and Torres were with him.

"Perhaps B'Elanna would be a better choice. After all, she's known him much longer than I have."

"True. Lieutenant Torres and the commander are good friends. But, they did not spend over two months alone together on an alien planet." Janeway felt the Doctor move up behind her. "The bond that the two of you forged during that time could be very crucial to his recovery."

She turned and stared at him. She had asked him for his recommendation and he had given it. Now it was up to her to accept or reject it.

"I'm the captain of this ship, Doctor. As much as I want to help Commander Chakotay, I can't simply forego my responsibilities."

"No, of course not. But Lieutenant Tuvok is a more than capable officer. And you wouldn't be giving up your command totally. I'm not suggesting that you spend every hour with the commander. Kes and Lieutenant Torres are more than willing to assist in his rehabilitation. And I will be available for consultation at all times."

Janeway raised her eyebrows. "Consultation?" she questioned. "Then I assume you're suggesting that he be taken back to his quarters."

The Doctor nodded and returned to his desk. "Familiar surroundings would be beneficial," he explained as he settled into his chair. "I find many of my patients are uncomfortable in Sickbay." His eyes squinted slightly as if in thought. "Although I am not sure why."

Janeway moved to the desk and leaned against the edge of it. Her eyes were still focused over her shoulder and through the window. "And you think that Chakotay is uncomfortable?"

"I don't know if he is uncomfortable. But he is frightened."

She quickly turned her gaze back to the Doctor. "Frightened? How do you know? He hasn't spoken..."

"No, he hasn't said anything, but many of his vital signs are increased: heart rate, respiration, blood pressure. Autonomic responses that are indicative of a fearful state. And," he concluded thoughtfully, "Kes has informed me that... she feels his fear. I have come to trust her instincts."

Janeway nodded. "So have I."

"Then it should be settled," he stated.

"What?"

"It was Kes' suggestion that you be the one to work with Commander Chakotay. If we both agree that her instincts are to be trusted, then our treatment can proceed."

It was not a question, but Janeway detected the interrogative tone of his voice. And she nodded again. This time in agreement.

"We can proceed, Doctor. But I'll need some time to brief Lieutenant Tuvok."

"Understood. I will need time as well. I must generate guidelines and treatment suggestions for you to follow. To begin with, you will need to address some very basic skills."

Janeway's expression creased with concern.

"Do not worry, Captain. I will supply you with very detailed instructions."

"Thank you." She stepped away from his desk and turned toward the door.

"Don't forget to bring clothing."

She stopped and looked back at the Doctor. "Clothing?"

'Yes. Commander Chakotay will need clothing. That is unless you want him to return to his quarters wearing a pair of Sickbay pajamas. Of course, I could replicate him something to wear, but I think familiar clothing would be an appropriate first step in his recovery."

Janeway shrugged slightly and gripped her hands together in front of her chin. "I hadn't thought of that. In fact, I assumed that we would transport back to his quarters. It would be quicker."

"And possibly traumatic. The commander was unconscious when he and Lieutenant Paris were transported back from Delsor. I believe that in Commander Chakotay's present state of mind, molecular transfer would not be advisable."

Janeway sighed. "You're probably right." She noted the Doctor's raised eyebrows. "No. I'm sure you're right. And I will...bring some clothes when I return."

~vVv~

She stood in the middle of Chakotay's quarters and realized that she would be spending a lot of time here in the next few weeks. She'd discussed the situation with Tuvok. And he had been in agreement with the Doctor and Kes. Janeway smiled slightly at the memory of the Vulcan's exact words. _You are the logical choice. _Well, she would have to have been for Tuvok to agree in the first place. But at the moment, she didn't feel like the logical choice. She felt a little too emotionally involved to be logical about her newly acquired status.

She and Chakotay had come to an understanding in regard to their alliance as captain and first officer. And after their months together on New Earth, they were finally beginning to define some parameters concerning their relationship as friends. They were parameters they'd chosen not to talk about too often, now that they were back on _Voyager, _but they were parameters none the less.

On the planet, it was understood that they would take care of each other, and she smiled again remembering Chakotay's story, his promise that her needs would come first. And she knew that she would have done anything for him. But she'd never imagined being his or anyone's therapist.

She shook her head and sighed wearily. Out here in the Delta Quadrant they were everything to each other. She had a responsibility to fulfill, a responsibility to this crew and to each individual crew member. And if that meant helping Chakotay find his way back to the strong, competent first officer that he'd been, then that's what she had to do.

She blinked and looked around the room, reminding herself why she was there. Clothes. Familiar clothes. She headed into his bedroom and started opening drawers. Despite her initial surprise in the Doctor's office, the moment he'd mentioned familiar clothing for the first officer, her mind had remembered him on New Earth, dressed in clothes that she was sure were reminiscent of his Maquis days. It had taken her some time to get used to seeing him in his Starfleet uniform again. He had seemed so much more comfortable in his civilian clothes.

And she knew what she was looking for. And she found it. His faded, orange shirt was folded in the top drawer, and his dark brown trousers in the drawer below it. She gathered them in her arms and turned to leave his quarters. The sleeve of the shirt brushed against her chin, and she remembered how soft the material was. She wondered if the shirt were really a favorite of Chakotay's or just a favorite of hers. _It doesn't matter, _she reminded herself, _just as long as it's familiar._

~vVv~


	2. Chapter 2

When she arrived in Sickbay, she found it empty, except for the Doctor and Chakotay. She'd assumed that Kes and Torres would still be there, but they were gone. And then she realized why. If she were going to be Chakotay's primary caregiver, then they both had to get used to each other. Starting now. With purposeful steps, she crossed Sickbay.

Chakotay was sitting on the edge of the biobed he'd been lying on earlier, his dark eyes open, but sleepy and unfocused. He looked small in the blue Sickbay pajamas, his shoulders not as broad as they were in his uniform. His hands were folded loosely in his lap, and Janeway noticed that his right thumb was rubbing against his left palm as if he were nervous. Or scared. Like a child called to the principal's office, waiting in the corridor, not sure what would happen next. The thought came to her suddenly, and she realized that perhaps she should approach him in that manner, not as a principal, but as if he were a child, lost and frightened.

As she came closer, she noticed that there was tension in his shoulders and arms, but his face seemed slack, soft, the usual, firm set of his jawline was gone, and his mouth hung open slightly. She'd seen that look before though, usually when he was confused by something. A part of her longed to wrap her arms around him and protect him as if he were a child, but she knew that she would have to move slowly with him, gauge every step. Test the waters.

She stopped and stood in front of him, tentatively placing a hand on his knee. "Hello, Chakotay," she said softly. "I'm Kathryn. I've come to take you to your quarters."

She studied his eyes, hoping to see a reaction. But there was none. His eyes didn't blink or flicker.

The Doctor was standing beside the biobed, and Janeway held the clothes she'd brought out toward him. "Will these be all right?"

The Doctor took the clothing, unfolded it, and laid the shirt and trousers on the bed. "These will do just fine. You may get him dressed."

Janeway looked away from Chakotay's face. "Dress him?"

"Yes. I'm afraid he is unable to dress himself. That is one of the skills you will have to work on with him. But for now, he will need assistance."

Janeway stepped away from the first officer and moved to the end of the biobed. The Doctor moved with her.

"With what else will he need assistance?" she inquired, her voice low. She was seriously doubting her role in his recovery.

If the Doctor noticed her uncertainty, he didn't allude to it. He merely answered her question with a list of areas that would have to be dealt with. "Dressing, feeding himself, bathing."

Janeway drew in a sharp breath. "Bathing?"

"Yes. Both he and Lieutenant Paris were sonically cleansed when they were transported to Sickbay three days ago. Now, you may choose to assist him with a sonic shower, but I will venture to say that hot baths would be more therapeutic." He fixed her with a steady gaze. "What did Commander Chakotay prefer while he was on the planet?"

Janeway sighed and hung her head slightly. The Doctor's expression was one of pure innocence, as if all the possible social implications of this situation were totally lost upon him. And she knew they were. She looked back up and started to explain the difficulties inherent in Chakotay's rehabilitation, one more try at rationalizing herself out of this obligation, but she stopped herself before she even began.

If they were still on the planet, there would be no question as to who would take care of Chakotay; she wouldn't hesitate to do whatever had to be done to make him comfortable and to speed his recovery. Why should there be a difference now? Was she merely worried about appearances? What it might look like to have the two of them involved so closely? Or maybe it wasn't appearances at all. Maybe it had more to do with the parameters that were still undefined.

Taking a deep breath, Janeway made up her mind for the last time. She was captain of this ship, and one of her crew needed her. But it was more than that. He was her friend, a man who had sworn to put her needs before his own. She could do no less for him.

"Captain?" The Doctor raised an eyebrow in enquiry.

And Janeway found herself smiling slightly at the memory his question evoked. "He took sonic showers at first, but I think he came to enjoy a hot bath as much as I did."

"I see. Well, then, there is your answer. I am confident that you will make the proper choices when dealing with him."

She nodded, hoping that the Doctor was correct. "Other than bathing, is he able to take care of...? Well, can he... ?" Her voice trailed off.

The Doctor gave her a slight look of exasperation. "If you are asking whether he is able to..." Realizing the captain's discomfort, he searched for an appropriate euphemism, "...take care of his own personal needs, the answer is yes. Kes and I have discovered that if we walk him to the door of the bathroom, he will proceed with very little assistance. We have set a schedule for him, and I've outlined the procedure." He picked up a padd from the foot of the biobed and handed it to her. "l have made extensive notes for you, including timetables and dietary suggestions. If you have any questions, feel free to call on me." He looked down at the clothing spread before them. "Now, you may want to help him get dressed. I never thought of orange as being one of Commander Chakotay's colors, but it is a lovely shade."

And with that, he turned and disappeared into his office. Janeway stood for a moment, still contemplating the scope of her assignment, her gaze fixed on the orange shirt. It was a very good color on him. And from the comer of her eye, she saw his hand move away from his lap, reaching out slowly toward the shirt, coming to rest on the sleeve. She smiled. Apparently, he liked the color, too. Well, that was one proper choice so far.

She shifted her gaze to him. "Let's get you dressed," she suggested, careful not to form her thoughts into questions. Instinctively, she knew that questions might cause him anxiety at this stage.

The Sickbay pajamas were easy to remove. He allowed her to raise his arms and pull the top over his head, and then replace it with the orange shirt. His fingers rubbed across his chest as she settled it on his shoulders.

"It's soft," she said, seeming to understand what he was thinking. She'd realized during their time on NewEarth just how tactile he was.

The trousers proved to be a bit more difficult than the shirt. She managed to remove his pajama pants, pulling them down off his hips and over his thighs. She was relieved that he was wearing a pair of undershorts as she hadn't thought to bring any. She would have to start planning a little more carefully. She took the trousers and managed to get them on to his legs, but she couldn't pull them up without him being in a standing position.

She held onto his arms and looked into his still unfocused eyes. "Chakotay, I want you to get down from the bed and stand for me." She pulled gently on his arms, and he simply scooted off the edge of the biobed, his feet landing on the deck. With one hand, she grabbed at the trousers and pulled them up around his waist, fastening them securely.

She took a small step back. "There now, that wasn't so bad," she announced, knowing that she was reassuring herself far more than she was reassuring him. In fact, she'd been more nervous than he'd been. As she'd handled his body, she'd seen and felt the tension in his muscles begin to recede. He reacted favorably to physical contact, and that was good. It would make their job a whole lot easier. She patted his arm. "You look very handsome."

He didn't respond; he just stood there, the fingers of one hand still tracing over the fabric of the shirt, his other hand hanging loose at his side. His feet were bare, and she added socks and shoes to the list of items she'd forgotten. But then she remembered that going barefoot had been one of the things that Chakotay had enjoyed about their life on New Earth. She supposed a walk to his cabin without shoes wouldn't prove terribly detrimental.

"Doctor?" She called softly over her shoulder. "We're ready to go."

The Doctor emerged from his office, although she'd been aware of him standing at the window the entire time she'd spent dressing Chakotay.

"You do look very nice in orange, Commander," the Doctor commented, "although shoes would add to the ensemble."

"We'll deal with those later," Janeway said with a smile. "Right now, I think we'll take a little walk to Chakotay's quarters." She held out her hand, hoping he would understand.

And he did. Slowly, Chakotay raised his arm and extended his hand, allowed her to wrap her fingers around his.

And just with that limited contact she could feel him relax even more. She had the distinct feeling that he would follow her anywhere. And so she tested her theory by leading him across Sickbay and out the door.

~vVv~

_He did not know her. And yet, he did. She was familiar to him in some way. More familiar than the other ones._

_But still, he did not know her._

_He did not know himself._

_He wasn't even fully aware that he was supposed to know himself. But there was a feeling, in the corner of his mind, that there was something missing. Something... to know._

_He thought of what he did know. What he felt. It felt good when she touched him, when she'd changed his clothes. She was gentle and her voice was soft. And when she'd taken his hand, he'd allowed her to hold it, and he had followed her. He did not know where they were going; he trusted her._

_He did not know why. But he did._

_Doors slid open in front of them, and as they walked through, he twisted his hand in hers. She looked at him, and then smiled when his fingers closed around hers. He would hold on to her, and that was all right. He was all right._

_They walked down a long, grey corridor, past doors on either side, and then stopped in front of doors that opened, sliding apart like the last ones had. The room on the other side was very small, and they went inside._

_She called it a turbolift. He could almost feel it moving, and he tightened his grip on her hand. She spoke soothing words to him, words he did not understand, but the sound of her voice made him feel better._

_When it stopped, the doors opened, and they got off. It was another corridor, like the one they'd just left, long, grey, more doors. She led the way, and he trailed behind her. They finally stopped in front of one of the doors. She pressed a panel on the wall, and the door opened. The room inside was dark and shadowed._

"This is your cabin, Chakotay."

_She led him inside and spoke out loud. But not to him. The room grew lighter. He looked around. It was different than the other room. There were no beds, just places to sit, and a desk and tables._

_And windows._

_The other room had no windows._

_Bright pinpoints of light illuminated the blackness. And he liked the way it looked. He let go of her hand and walked over to the window._

"Those are stars, Chakotay," he heard her say.

_And he tilted his head slightly. Somehow, he'd known that._

~vVv~

Janeway observed him as he stared out the viewport, and she felt her heart beat a little faster. He recognized something out there. Whether it was the stars or space, something was familiar, something made a connection. She wanted to ask him what it was, but she knew that she had to steer clear of any questions. At least, for now.

She moved over to a chair and sat down. Chakotay seemed content to stand where he was, his gaze finally focused on something. Surprisingly, he didn't seem quite so lost against the vast backdrop of space. She would let him stand there for a while, and perhaps she would have time to look over the Doctor's notations.

His instructions were very complete and precise. And she was grateful. She needed someone to tell her where to begin. The Doctor stressed the need for routine and directions that were clearly stated and explained. In other words, there was a time and place for everything, and everything had a reason.

She sighed and dropped the padd onto her lap. It sounded simple enough. She basically had to teach her first officer how to dress, eat, and speak, and along the way help him remember who he was. At that moment, meeting alien races seemed like a piece of cake. Even finding their way back to the Alpha Quadrant paled slightly in comparison.

And then an age-old saying came to her mind, and she remembered that every journey began with a single step. And Chakotay's journey back should be no different.

She consulted the padd again, and decided that it was almost time for supper. Eating might be a good place to begin. After all, every journey required food along the way.

"Chakotay, I'm going to make us something to eat," she announced as she got up from her chair.

She didn't expect him to look at her, and was pleased and surprised when he did. She smiled. "You can stand there, or you can come and sit at the table and watch me."

She didn't wait for a response, but turned toward the other side of the room and walked over to the food dispenser. She'd already decided to use up some replicator rations instead of having Neelix deliver food. It would be easier, and besides, she wanted to try some of Chakotay's old favorites to see if he responded positively to them.

She could hear him moving behind her, following her. And when she glanced over her shoulder, he was standing next to the table. She reached over and pulled back one of the chairs. "You can sit down."

He didn't move.

She patted the seat with her hand. "You can sit down, Chakotay," she said again.

And this time, he understood, sitting down on the edge of the chair. She stroked his arm in approval. "That's right."

He stared blankly at her, but again she could feel him relax at her touch.

"Now," she turned back to the replicator, "let's see. Two bowls of mushroom soup and two glasses of milk." That sounded fairly basic and had been included on the Doctor's list of food suggestions.

In a sparkle, the items appeared, steam rising from the bowls. She picked up the tray and turned around. Chakotay was looking at her with interest, his eyes wider, eyebrows arched. His gaze was definitely focused this time.

"I think you're hungry," she observed, setting the tray on the table. She sat down in the chair beside him and placed one bowl in front of him and the other in front of her. She arranged the glasses and spoons accordingly.

Despite his obvious interest, he made no move toward the bowl or the spoon. His hands remained in his lap. Janeway knew that Kes had fed him while he'd been in Sickbay, and she assumed he was waiting for her to do the same.

"I'm not going to feed you, Chakotay," she explained gently. 'You're going to feed yourself."

She reached into his lap and picked up his right hand. He stared at her, confusion evident in his eyes. With her other hand, she picked up his spoon and pressed it against his fingers.

"This is your spoon. Hold on to it."

She wrapped his fingers around the utensil and then led his hand to the bowl, helped him dip the spoon into the soup, and then raise the spoonful of soup to his lips. With a gentle push, he opened his mouth and swallowed. Together, they lowered the spoon back to the bowl.

"Very good," she praised him, smiling broadly at their joint accomplishment. She let go of his hand. "Now, you try it. Take a bite."

He didn't move. His fingers loosened their grip on the spoon, and his hand rested limply on the table.

"Chakotay, take a bite of your soup," she instructed, touching her hand to his.

Still, he didn't move. And he didn't look at her or the soup. The empty gaze had returned, as if she and the food held no interest to him now.

She took hold of his hand and repeated the process: dipping the spoon into the soup, raising it to his mouth, pushing it between his lips. He wouldn't swallow and the soup dripped from his lower lip onto his shirt.

"Swallow, Chakotay," she encouraged him, but he didn't seem to understand.

She lowered the spoon back to the bowl and sighed. She should have known that it wouldn't go as easily as planned. She picked up a cloth napkin from the center of the table, gently wiped his chin, and dabbed at the stain on his shirt.

"Let's try it again, Chakotay." And she repeated the process, and he still didn't swallow.

He wouldn't look at her or the soup. It was like he was asleep with his eyes open. And then it occurred to her. If he wouldn't feed himself or allow her to feed him, perhaps he wasn't really hungry. After all, he had no way of telling her what he was feeling.

She mulled this thought over in her head as she picked up her own spoon and took a bite of her soup. She wasn't planning on going anywhere, and neither was he. They could sit at the table until he was ready to eat. Surely, he would make some indication when he was hungry enough. She took another bite. And the soup tasted as good as it smelled. He wouldn't be able to sit here for long without wanting some more. Or would he? She couldn't let him starve. Maybe Kes needed to be here. After all, he'd allowed her to feed him in Sickbay. She had to remember that although she was supposed to be his primary caregiver, they weren't exactly stranded on New Earth together with no one else available to help.

She raised her spoon to her mouth again. And she caught a movement from the comer of her eye. Without turning her head, she glanced over at Chakotay. He held his spoon in the exact position as she held hers, poised halfway between the bowl and her lips. Slowly, she continued the interrupted action, and he copied her movement, even lowering the spoon back to the bowl as she did.

Janeway was tempted to congratulate him, but she stopped herself. If eating was an ordinary, everyday process, perhaps it would be better if she treated it that way. He'd just proven that he could do it, and so she knew he wouldn't starve. She took another bite, and he copied her. And then she reached out and picked up her glass, took a sip of milk. Chakotay followed her example.

Janeway smiled. Imitation was the highest form of flattery. And then her smile faded into a frown. She just hoped she wouldn't have to use this same technique when it came to teaching him to dress.

~vVv~


	3. Chapter 3

"He likes the stars," Janeway observed, gazing over at the sofa.

Chakotay knelt against the cushions, his back to her, his chin propped against his hand. It was apparent that he was staring at the stars.

Torres moved in the chair next to the captain's. Janeway could tell that the engineer was uncomfortable. She knew Torres cared for Chakotay, but in her eyes, he'd always been strong and decisive, very self-assured. Janeway knew it was difficult to see him like this. But it was important that Torres visit; important to them both. Janeway was hoping that familiar voices would help reach him.

Despite her uncertainty, Torres sensed her role in Chakotay's recovery. And she wished that he was able to join in their conversation. But she knew it would take time.

"He's always been a star gazer," she agreed. "We never really had much time when we were with the Maquis. Staring at stars was a luxury we couldn't afford. But I remember once, we were on his home planet, and we sat outside one evening, and he told me all about the constellations, and the stories and legends his people attached to them." Torres sighed. "You know, I always envied him his belief in those legends. I mean, the stars are just stars to me, but to him..."

Janeway smiled. "I know what you mean. Everything is so... much more to him."

Torres turned a hard gaze on the captain. "It's not now," she said, her voice bitter.

Janeway shook her head quickly and reached out and touched the younger woman's arm. "Oh, no, I think you're wrong, B'Elanna. I think that's why the stars still hold an interest for him. It's like what the Doctor said. He's in there, along with everything that he holds important. We just have to help him find his way out."

Chakotay shifted on the sofa, sinking down into a sitting position, his head resting on the cushions. Janeway saw his shoulders rise and fall in what she suspected was a yawn.

Torres noticed as well. "Star gazing always makes him tired," she laughed softly. "I think it's his Native American heritage. Something about... sleeping out under the stars."

Janeway nodded. "We slept under the stars the first few nights we were on New Earth. I remember thinking that he was right at home, totally at ease in his surroundings."

Torres looked over at the captain, their eyes catching. "He probably felt that way."

Janeway shrugged, slightly nervous under the woman's gaze. "Maybe so. But, he won't feel at ease if he falls asleep on the sofa. And besides, that's supposed to be my bed."

Torres sat up straighter, as if called to attention. "Do you need any help putting him to bed?"

Janeway smiled at her offer, but shook her head. "No, I don't think so. The Doctor feels that it's important that we establish some routines on our own." She noticed the look in Torres' eyes. "But thanks, B'Elanna. I know this isn't easy for you. For any of us."

Torres drew in a deep breath and stood. "Don't worry about me, Captain. I care about him, but I agree that after the time you spent together, you're the best person to be taking care of him now."

Janeway stood also, reaching out and taking hold of Torres' hand. "Thank you. Yours is a vote of confidence that I needed to hear."

Torres squeezed the captain's hand and let go. She took a step toward the sofa, leaned over and touched Chakotay's shoulder. "Good night, Chakotay. Sleep well." She drew her hand away, her fingers lingering over the back of his neck, wanting to touch him again. But she thought better of it and stepped away.

"We'll see you tomorrow," Janeway said, walking with her to the door.

Torres nodded and then looked up from the floor. "He likes hot chocolate."

Janeway tilted her head.

Torres blushed slightly. "Before he goes to bed. Sometimes...he likes hot chocolate." And then she smiled. "But I guess...you probably know that."

Janeway remembered their evenings on New Earth, and she grinned. "I did know that. But thanks for reminding me."

~vVv~

He liked hot drinks. Coffee, tea, chocolate. A cup had always been within reaching distance as he working on a project. And chocolate had been a favorite. Especially at night. Janeway remembered the slightly embarrassed look on his face as he'd explained his affinity for the beverage. He said it made him sleepy and warm, and it reminded him of his childhood.

As she turned away from the door, she was glad that Torres had reminded her of the hot chocolate. It was something she could add to the bedtime routine. A routine that had probably needed to have begun half an hour ago. She walked back over to the sitting area and sat down on the coffee table close to the sofa.

"Chakotay." She spoke his name softly and waited for him to look at her.

He didn't. And she tried again.

"Chakotay."

This time he turned and looked over his shoulder.

"It's time for bed," she said, laying a hand on his arm.

He blinked at her, and then rubbed a fist over his eyes.

"You're tired." She smiled. "So am I. And you're sitting on my bed."

As if understanding her words, he looked down at the sofa, then back up at her.

"You have a bed in the next room. Let's go check it out."

She stood up and gently pulled on his arm. He stood as well. Taking hold of his hand, she led him the bedroom. They'd been here earlier in the evening, passing through on their way to the bathroom. But this time, she led him over to the bed, and he sat down on the edge of it.

Janeway had thought about giving him a bath, but had postponed that idea until tomorrow. He'd already had a long day, and she knew he was tired. She left him sitting on the bed, went over to his dresser, and found a pair of pajamas in the top drawer. She went back to him and quickly helped him change into them. He could start working on dressing tomorrow as well. There was no need to throw too much at him in one day.

As she slipped one shirt off and the other on, she realized that she was getting used to this. And so was he. She only had to touch his arm or leg, and he would move them in the appropriate manner, as if his body remembered how to get dressed. And that was a good sign; it would make things a lot easier when she expected him to dress himself.

When he was in his pajamas, she walked him into the bathroom and helped him brush his teeth; then she stood at the door while he used the facilities. The Doctor had been correct about his capabilities. Instinctively, he knew what to do, and was even somewhat modest, not making a move unless her back was turned to him. She wondered how he would react to taking a bath, and realized that he might only need a minimum of assistance with that as well. A few moments later, she heard the water running as he washed his hands, and then he followed her back to the bed.

She pulled back the blankets and he climbed underneath them, settling his head on the pillow with a yawn. His eyes were already drooping, and she decided that hot chocolate would have to wait until tomorrow night. There was only so much they could do in one day.

She brushed her hand over his forehead, smoothing his hair back from his tattoo. She'd grown so used to it that sometimes she didn't even notice the dark lines. They were so much a part of him.

"Goodnight, Chakotay," she whispered, reaching over and touching a panel on the bedside table, lowering the lights manually.

She heard a strangled gasp and felt his hand grab hold of hers. Immediately, she raised the lights. His eyes were wide, staring at her fearfully.

"Shh," she soothed, touching his forehead again. "It's all right."

He clutched her hand tightly, pulling it close to his chest. She could feel the fast beating of his heart through his pajama shirt. The darkness frightened him. And she realized that for the past three days he'd been in Sickbay, and the Doctor had probably not lowered the lights during that time.

"We can keep the lights on. It's all right," she reassured him. "And I'll sit right here while you fall asleep. I promise. I won't go anywhere."

He stared at her for several moments, and then his eyes closed. But he held her hand for a long time before he finally fell asleep.

~vVv~

_They were stars. It was one of the things he knew. And he liked looking at them._

_Behind him, they talked. He didn't understand, but the sound of their voices was nice._

_He yawned and laid his head on the back of the sofa, the cushions soft against his cheek. And then someone touched him. And that was all right. She spoke to him, and then she was gone._

Chakotay.

Chakotay.

_She called him that._

_Another touch, a hand on his arm._

_He looked at her. And then rubbed his eyes._

_She smiled. And then she pulled on his arm, and he followed her into the next room. _

_She changed his clothes again. The new ones were even softer._

_She took him to the little room, and they brushed his teeth. He used the bathroom, and he remembered to wash his hands. There were some things he remembered, and he knew how to do them. And other things... he couldn't__remember, and she helped him._

_He got under the covers. And she touched his face. Her fingers were warm._

_And then it was dark. And he was frightened. He grabbed her. And there was light. He could see her. She touched his face again. He was all right. And he stared at her and then closed his eyes. He held on to her hand. He didn't want to let go._

~vVv~

He was sleeping peacefully, and Janeway was relieved. She'd expected nightmares, and although they were still a possibility, he was all right for now.

She went back into the next room and located the suitcase that she'd brought earlier when she'd come to pick up his clothes. Quickly, she changed into a nightgown and a robe, and then spread sheets and blankets over the sofa, turning it into something that almost resembled a bed. She just hoped it was comfortable.

Although she knew she should get some sleep while she could, she wasn't actually tired yet, and she found herself sitting at Chakotay's desk, logging onto the computer, and reviewing Tuvok's reports for the day. She'd been away from the bridge for six hours, and it felt like six days. She wondered what it would feel like when it actually had been six days. She remembered what it had been like on New Earth. But this was different. She was still on the ship, but not in charge. At least, not directly. She took some time to compose a list of reminders for Tuvok, and that made her feel a little bit more in control. Then she completed her personal log. And then she began a new log, one that would outline her work with Chakotay from day to day. The Doctor had asked her to keep one.

She wasn't sure how many hours had gone by since she'd sat down at the desk, but she looked up when she heard a noise. Chakotay stood in the doorway to his bedroom. He was staring at her.

"Hello, Chakotay. I thought you were sleeping." She spoke quietly, and slowly got up from the desk. She took a step toward him, and she could see him pull back slightly.

"It's all right." She came closer and reached her hand out to him. "Let's go back to bed." This time, he didn't pull away, but allowed her to take hold of his arm.

He dropped his gaze from her face, and she felt the muscles in his arm tighten. His feet pushed into the carpeted deck, and then he tried to twist away from her.

She held on to him and led him back into the bedroom. It was brighter there for she'd left the lights on in case he'd awakened. As they neared the bed, he stopped, pulling his arm away.

"Chakotay, it's time to sleep," she said, reaching down and pulling the blankets back.

He hesitated, as though he were afraid of getting into the bed, but then he did. She tucked the blankets around his shoulders and then sat with him while he fell asleep.

~vVv~

He didn't know she was watching him, and so she lay very still on the sofa, only her eyes shifting slightly. He sat on the floor on the opposite side of the coffee table, his hands moving the objects on top of it from one end to the other. It was almost like a game that he was playing, only Janeway couldn't discern the rules. But Chakotay could. He had a system. First, he moved the plant, and then the stone with the carving on it. And then, the book. And then he moved the book back to its original place, followed by the stone and then the plant. The pattern was repeated several times during the next five minutes, and if there were any meaning to it, Janeway was unaware. But it was a good sign. It meant that a portion of his mind was thinking in an orderly fashion. And that would be helpful as he began to relearn tasks.

Not wanting to startle him by suddenly speaking out loud, Janeway yawned and stretched her arms above her head; she rolled over on the sofa and pretended to be waking up. Chakotay's movement stopped abruptly, his hands frozen over the table, his eyes transfixed on her.

She propped herself up on one elbow. "Good morning, Chakotay." She smiled.

And he dropped his hands to his lap and looked away from her.

"I didn't hear you get out of bed," she said as she sat up, brushing her hair back from her face. She stood, picked up her robe from the end of the sofa and slipped into it. Taking some civilian clothes from her suitcase, she headed toward the bedroom. "I'll be right back."

She went through to the bathroom and got dressed quickly, aware that he was alone in the next room. But then, she wasn't sure how long he'd been alone while she'd been sleeping. Despite his condition, she couldn't watch him all the time. She would have to place some trust in him from the very beginning.

When she was finished, she went back into the living area. Chakotay was right where she'd left him, and she could see that the table items had been moved several times in her absence.

He stared up at her, and she knew that he was aware that she'd changed her clothes for he hesitantly ran his hand over his own pajama shirt.

"Come in the bedroom and we'll get you some other clothes," she suggested, and was pleased when he nodded his head in agreement. He'd understood.

He pushed himself up from the floor and followed her into the other room.

"All right," she announced as she went over to the dresser and opened several drawers, "you need a shirt." She pulled out a blue striped one and held it up so that he could see it. "And trousers." She held up a pair of black ones. "And undershorts." She held them up. "And socks." She held them up as well, and then draped them all over her arm and walked over to the bed. She laid the clothing out on top of it.

Chakotay moved from where he was standing next to the door and edged over to the bed. She could see a glint of curiosity in his eyes. This was the first time she'd named all these pieces of clothing.

She turned to him. "Now, first you need to take off that pajama shirt." She reached out and touched his sleeve.

He sat down on the side of the bed and instinctively raised his arms.

She shook her head. "No. You take it off, Chakotay." She took hold of his hands and closed his fingers around the hem of the shirt. "Pull it up over your head," she instructed.

He didn't move.

"Chakotay, pull up the shirt." She pretended to be taking off her own shirt, simply making the movements with her hands.

Still, he didn't move. He just stared at her, a confused expression on his face.

She made the movement with her arms again. "Pull the shirt up," she repeated.

Several seconds passed, and still he made no attempt.

Janeway sighed and lowered her head, rubbing a hand across the back of her neck. She wasn't sure what to do. If she did it for him, he would never learn. On the other hand, if she didn't help, he'd be wearing a pair of pajamas for the rest of his life.

And then his movement caught her eye, much like it had yesterday when he'd fed himself. She looked up at him. Slowly and awkwardly, he was trying to pull the shirt up over his head.

"That's right," she breathed as the shirt covered his face.

With one more tug, he managed to pull it off, allowing it to fall on the bed beside him.

"Very good." She smiled and noticed a look of relief cross his features. She drew in a deep breath. "Now... take off your pants."

The next minutes were long and difficult. This was a situation in which she'd never imagined she would find herself. And it was embarrassing. For them both. Just as he preferred she turn her back while he was in the bathroom, when it came time for him to change his underwear, he hesitated. He'd already managed to remove the pajama pants, and he held the other shorts in his hand. Sensing his hesitancy, Janeway moved back from him.

"I think you can finish this on your own," she encouraged him. "Take off your shorts, and put these on." She indicated the pair he held in his hand. "And then put on these trousers and this shirt."

She waited for a moment, studying his face, hoping for a sign of understanding. There was none. Just a look of discomfort. She backed away from him toward the door. "I'll be in the next room. I'll check on you in a few minutes."

She left and went and sat down on the sofa. _This was damn awkward, _she thought. Even after their months on the planet together. There had been times when they'd seen each other wrapped in a towel before or after a bath, but...this was different. And she hoped he could figure it out on his own, because if he couldn't, she was going to insist that Paris or Tuvok come and assist.

~vVv~

_She left him. And he relaxed._

_Usually, he felt better when she was here. But not now. He was cold, and he wanted to put his clothes on, but he didn't__want her help anymore. Somehow, he knew this was something he had to do himself._

_He stared down at the clothing in his hand. She called them shorts. And he knew how to put them on. The shorts he was wearing now came off just like the pants, and then he would put on the new shorts and the trousers and the shirt._

_He would show her that he knew how to do it himself._

_And then she would smile at him again._

_And he liked it when she smiled._

_Her name was Kathryn. He remembered that now._

_And that made him smile._

~vVv~

Five minutes passed and Janeway continued to stare at the open door to the bedroom. She was waiting for him to come out. And then she remembered that she had promised to go back in and check on him. She pressed her hands to her knees and pushed herself to her feet. _No time like the present, Katie. _It wasn't like her to avoid challenges.

She stopped in the doorway and looked inside. A feeling of relief washed over her. Chakotay stood at the end of the bed. He was dressed in the clothing she'd left for him. She went further into the room. On closer inspection, she saw that he was just barely dressed, but it was an accomplishment all the same. He held his hand at his waist, and she could see that he was holding the trousers up to keep them from falling. His shirt wasn't buttoned, and it hung unevenly around his neck. The socks had been forgotten.

"Good work, Chakotay," she assured him, stepping closer and taking his hand away from his waist.

The trousers needed fastening, and she did that for him. She also buttoned his shirt and straightened it. Then she ran her fingers through his hair, combing it back from his forehead. He looked down at the floor while she helped him.

"I couldn't have done better myself," she said.

And he looked up. And she smiled.

For a second, a grin spread across his face, and then he looked down again, as if he were shy. Janeway patted his shoulder. "Let's go eat breakfast," she suggested.

He followed her into the living area and over to the table. She called up bowls of oatmeal and glasses of orange juice. Then she sat down beside him and they ate, his every spoonful a mirror image of hers. She sighed. It gave a new meaning to being in command.

~vVv~


	4. Chapter 4

"He's healthy," Kes reported, putting the medical tricorder back in her kit. "And his vital signs are all back to normal."

"You mean he isn't frightened anymore?" Janeway asked quietly, her eyes fastened to the sofa where Chakotay was sitting.

"There are no physical signs that he's frightened. And I...I don't sense any fear. Just..."

Janeway looked over at the young woman. "Just what?"

"Just confusion. Almost like... a child who's just woken up from a dream."

Janeway nodded "I know the feeling."

Kes' eyes widened. "Oh, don't be discouraged, Captain. You've already accomplished so much, and it hasn't even been a complete day yet. He can eat and dress. That's wonderful."

Her expression was so enthusiastic, and Janeway smiled at her encouragement. She let out a deep breath. "You're right, Kes. It's just...awkward." She sank down into the chair she was standing next to.

Kes sat in the chair next to her, gazing at her curiously. "You care about the commander, don't you?"

Janeway glanced over at her "Of course, I do."

Kes shrugged her shoulders slightly. "I know that if this had happened to Neelix, there's not anything I wouldn't do to help him."

"You would be a wonderful therapist, Kes," Janeway assured her. "In fact, there are several activities on the Doctor's list that I was hoping you would help Chakotay with."

"That's why I'm here."

Janeway consulted the padd she was holding in her hand. "The Doctor suggested some logical reasoning puzzles, but he didn't specify which types."

"I've got some ideas," Kes said, rising from her chair and going over to the replicator. She returned with a tray covered with small colored objects, some block shaped, others round or triangular. "We can work on shapes and colors and putting things together in patterns."

Janeway nodded. "I see. The linear reasoning required will strengthen the neural pathways."

Kes smiled. "That's right."

She leaned over and touched Chakotay's shoulder. He'd been staring out the viewport again. "Chakotay, I have something for us to work on. Turn around."

The man turned and looked at Kes warily. And then he smiled as if he remembered her.

"He likes you, Kes," Janeway observed.

"That's good, because I like him." Her words were soft and sincere, and Janeway watched as Chakotay responded to her.

Kes sat down on the floor in front of the coffee table, and Chakotay scooted off the edge of the sofa, following her example. Janeway joined them.

For the next half hour, Kes led Chakotay through a series of tasks, manipulating the blocks and shapes into different structures and patterns, all the while identifying the objects by color. She would have him copy designs, and she would praise him when he did something correctly.

"That's right." Kes smiled and placed a picture next to the design Chakotay had just completed. "It matches perfectly."

Janeway reached over and patted him on the hand. "Good work."

He grinned. And so did Janeway. His smiles were increasing.

"Chakotay, hand me the red block," Kes suddenly asked him. It was the first time she'd actually asked him to give her something.

Chakotay didn't move.

"Hand me the red block," Kes repeated.

Janeway watched as a line of tension ran through Chakotay's shoulders and over his face.

Kes continued. "You can do it. Hand me the red block."

Chakotay's hand went out, hovering over the dozen blocks that were scattered over the table.

"The red one," Kes said.

His hand lowered, fingers touching a block. He picked it up and gave it to her.

Kes took the preferred block and set it back on the table. "That's blue, Chakotay. Hand me a red one."

Creases formed around Chakotay's eyes, and Janeway noticed tears gathering. She could tell he was thinking very hard, his mouth twisting, his teeth chewing at his lower lip.

"Kes?" Janeway whispered, concerned.

She glanced at her. "He can do this, Captain. I know he can." She focused her gaze back on the first officer. "Hand me the red block."

Again, his hand lowered and he picked up another block. Kes held out her hand, and he deposited the block into it. It was red.

"Very good, Chakotay." Kes reached over and touched her other hand to his cheek. "This is a red block." She set the block back on the table. "Now, hand me a green block."

Janeway sighed. She'd never known Kes was such a taskmaster. Perhaps they were wasting her talents in the aeroponic's bay. Surely there was a place for her in the ship's command structure. She knew what she was doing. Chakotay rose to the challenge and picked out the next four blocks, green, blue, yellow, and orange, without missing one of them. Janeway watched. She saw a faint gleam of pride replace the tears in his eyes.

"You did very well, Chakotay." Kes closed her hand around the orange block. "I think that's enough for one morning," she said.

As if understanding, Chakotay relaxed against the edge of the sofa, his head falling back on the cushions. He exhaled a long, heavy breath.

Janeway smiled over at Kes. "That took a lot of out him." And then she laughed softly. "It took a lot out of me just watching."

"He really did well."

Janeway nodded. "He did. It's just frustrating to realize that... he's in there."

Kes frowned slightly. "Think how frustrating it must be for him."

~vVv~

_He remembered her. She'd been with him in the other place. She would touch him and make him feel better._

_He liked having her here._

_She brought something to the table. She called them blocks, and she let him pick them up. And then he put them together and made different pictures. It was like playing. He remembered that he used to play. A long time ago._

_But Kathryn didn't play. She watched. And that was all right._

_He tried to do the right things, make the right pictures. He wanted Kathryn to smile. And she did. She patted him on the hand. He liked it when she touched him._

_He didn't know red. Not at first. But then he remembered. And green, and blue, and yellow, and orange. They were colors. He knew that._

_They were colors._

_And the woman was Kes._

_And Kathryn was Kathryn._

_And he was Chakotay._

~vVv~

Janeway walked Kes to the door, and when she returned to the sofa she found that Chakotay had fallen asleep. The Doctor had told her that he might spend a lot of time sleeping, so she didn't worry. She just took a blanket and gently draped it over him.

She went over to the desk and sat down, determined to get some work done on daily reports. But she found her mind kept wandering, her gaze constantly drifting back to the man on the floor. He had accomplished a lot already, but what were those accomplishments in comparison to the man he'd been only four days ago? Janeway felt her fists tighten with anger. He could feed himself, and dress himself, and he knew his colors. Any three-year-old could do that. She knew that Kes felt very positive about his chances of a full recovery, but she wasn't sure. And she was ashamed of herself for doubting. But after spending months alone with him on New Earth, realizing just how wise and strong he really was, she couldn't imagine him returning to the man he had been.

She physically shook herself, pulling her mind away from those thoughts. Negativity wouldn't help either of them. She stared back at the computer screen and delved back into another report.

Moments later, a scream ripped through the room. She was at his side in an instant. His eyes were wide open, and when she touched him, he pulled away, swinging his fist at her. She pulled back, narrowly escaping the blow. She knew it hadn't been on purpose; he was still half asleep.

"Chakotay. It's all right." She grabbed hold of his upper arms and tried to hold him still.

He twisted away from her, crying out.

"Chakotay." She shook him gently, trying to wake him and get his attention. "Chakotay, it's me. Kathryn. You're dreaming. It's all right."

He looked back at her, eyes wide with fright, and then his face crumpled, and he sagged against her, his head falling onto her shoulder as he began to cry.

She pulled him close, his body half way onto her lap, her arms surrounding him, hands rubbing over his back and neck. She rocked him instinctively, as she would have rocked a baby, humming softly into his ear. She could feel the tension in his muscles lessening as he cried, the fear of the nightmare drifting away.

She held him for a long time. Even after the tears stopped, and he'd fallen back to sleep, she still held on. Not so much for him, but for her.

~vVv~

They made it through the day. Torres came to visit, and Kes returned. Chakotay seemed to pay a little more attention to their conversations, but that was all.

He spent a lot of time watching the stars. And he listened for a while when Janeway read out loud to him. He would disappear into the bathroom every now and then, and she took that as a good sign. At least, some things were under his control.

He only ate if she ate, and then usually not as much as she did. And that bothered her a little. Chakotay had always had a healthy appetite. Kes assured her that as long as he was eating at least half of what she ate, he'd probably be all right for a while. His stomach might not be ready to handle too much. She said to keep an eye on him. And Janeway had smiled. That's all she did. Keep an eye on Chakotay.

Before supper, she decided it was time he took a bath. She walked him into the bathroom, and he watched as she ran hot water into the tub.

"Chakotay, it's time for a bath."

He looked at her blankly.

"You remember how to take a bath. You take off your clothes and get in the tub." She pointed to items on the edge of the bathtub. "This is soap and a bath cloth. And use this towel to dry off with when you're finished." She edged toward the door. "I'll be right outside."

He made no attempt to stop her, and he didn't try to leave with her. Janeway left the bathroom door open and leaned against the bedroom wall, listening. A few minutes passed, and then she heard the sound of water gently splashing. She looked around the frame of the door. His clothes were in a pile in the middle of the floor, and he was sitting in the tub. She breathed a sigh of relief, and although she felt as if she were invading his privacy, she leaned in the doorway and watched over him until he got out. She didn't like the idea of leaving him alone.

Somehow, she managed to stay out of his line of vision, and when he emerged from the bathroom minutes later, he had no idea that she'd been keeping an eye on him. The towel was wrapped around his waist, and drops of water still beaded on his chest and shoulders. She'd gotten him some pajamas and laid them out on the bed.

He smiled at her, but she could tell he was nervous.

"I'll wait next door," she offered. "You don't need my help to put on those pajamas."

~vVv~

_Kathryn was right. He knew how to put on pajamas. And he'd remembered how to take a bath._

_He remembered taking a bath under the trees. But he didn't know where that was. He wondered if Kathryn knew._

_He wanted to ask her. But he was afraid to try._

_He was afraid to talk._

_He was afraid he wouldn't be able to._

~vVv~

He wouldn't eat any supper. And she was concerned. She tried feeding him, but he would push her hand away. She tried eating her own food, hoping that he would copy her, but he merely watched.

Finally, she tapped her comm badge and opened a link to Sickbay.

"Ah, Captain, how is Commander Chakotay?" the Doctor asked.

"Fine, except for the fact that he won't eat."

"Perhaps he isn't hungry," the Doctor replied.

Janeway rolled her eyes. "But he hasn't eaten anything in the past six hours."

"Captain, I assure you, when the commander is ready to eat, he will. Leave his supper on the table where he can come back to it if he wants."

Janeway nodded for her own benefit. "All right, Doctor. I'll do that."

The soup sat there the rest of the evening. Chakotay paid no attention to it. Janeway continued to worry.

She tried giving him hot chocolate. He didn't want that either.

He went to bed without her assistance. She thought he'd gone to the bathroom, but when he didn't return, she went into the bedroom. He was in bed, the blankets pulled up over him.

She ran her hand across his forehead. "Goodnight, Chakotay," she whispered.

He closed his eyes.

She felt as if he'd closed her out.

~vVv~

_His stomach hurt. And she wanted him to eat. _

_He pushed the food away._

_He knew the cup she held was hot chocolate. He liked that._

_But still, his stomach hurt._

_He sat and watched the stars for a while._

_She never put him to bed._

_He went to bed on his own._

_She came and touched him._

_He closed his eyes._

~vVv~

He'd thrown up, all over his pajama shirt and onto the floor. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, rocking back and forth, his eyes filled with tears. Janeway sat beside him, wiping his face with a cool, damp cloth.

She felt like such a fool. She should have known he was sick. That's why he didn't want to eat. She waited for Kes to come.

Chakotay pushed close to her, and she wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "I'm sorry," she soothed, holding him. "I'm so sorry."

Kes arrived a few minutes later and sat on the other side of him. She ran a tricorder over his body, and then pressed a hypospray to his neck. Chakotay tensed and pushed his face closer to Janeway's shoulder.

"Kes, what is it?" she asked, her voice tired and concerned.

"It's just an upset stomach," Kes assured her, putting the hypospray back into the med-kit. "It could be caused by stress, or it may be a physical side effect to the brain damage. His system's been through a lot. As I said earlier, his stomach may not be able to handle much for a while."

"I should have known this might happen. I've probably been making him eat too much."

"No, you haven't. Stop worrying. He'll be fine. It's not terribly serious."

Chakotay's breathing grew steady, and Janeway realized he was falling asleep. She eased him back onto the bed, and got up to get him a clean pajama shirt. Kes helped her change him into it.

"If only he would talk," Janeway murmured as she tucked the blankets around him.

She felt Kes touch her arm. "He will, Captain, he will. It's just a stomach virus," Kes assured her, putting the hypospray back into the med-kit. "He'll be just fine."

~vVv~


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Notes: **Well, the big guy's almost better. One more chapter after this. Thanks for reading!

He slept through the night. Which was more than Janeway could say for herself. She sat by his bed for hours, afraid that he would wake and be sick again. But he didn't.

She realized, not for the first time, just how lucky they'd been on New Earth. Neither of them had been ill, except for the virus that had caused them to be there in the first place, and the planet had alleviated those symptoms. But it was something she had thought about, and worried over. If he'd gotten sick, if she'd lost him. If she lost him now. If he never came back to them. To her...

And there was that damned parameter again. The one that kept her from caring about him more than she already did. More than a captain would care for any member of her crew. But, he wasn't any member of her crew. He was Chakotay. And she still wasn't sure what that meant to her. She knew it meant something. She was just afraid to admit that it meant so much more.

She could tell he still didn't feel well the next morning when he pushed his oatmeal away, but she managed to get him to drink some hot tea. His cheeks and forehead were warm, and she suspected he was running a slight temperature. She tucked him back into bed, and called Kes again. The young Ocampa confirmed her suspicions.

"It's very slight," Kes said, studying the tricorder. "I suggest we let him stay in bed for a while, postpone our learning activities for the morning." She patted Chakotay on the arm. "You're going to be all right."

Despite his obvious discomfort, Chakotay smiled.

Kes looked up at the captain. "He knows we're going to take good care of him."

Janeway nodded "The best. I just wish he could tell me what he's feeling."

"Have you worked with him on talking yet?"

Janeway stared at her. "No...not yet. I...I've been too busy worrying about more basic skills."

"Which he's handled very well."

Janeway blinked. "True, but..."

Kes stood up from the side of the bed. "Let him rest this morning, perhaps read to him. But I'd try getting him to talk this afternoon. You might even want B'Elanna to help." Kes smiled knowingly. "She usually gets what she wants from him... one way or the other."

Janeway couldn't help but smile, despite her concerns. Kes was right. Chakotay's relationship with Torres was an interesting one. Sometimes she wasn't sure just which one of them had the other wrapped around their little finger.

"I'll ask her to come by later," Janeway promised. "And thank you. For everything."

Kes shook her head. "Think nothing of it. It's my job. Thanks to you."

~vVv~

The extra rest was good for him. By lunch, he was hungry again. Overly hungry. Janeway had to be careful not to let him eat too much. Still, he fixed her with a questioning gaze.

And she decided to use that as an invitation for a question of her own.

"What do you want, Chakotay?"

He pulled back, his eyes widening. He knew that this statement was somehow different than the others.

She repeated her question. "What do you want?"

He looked across the table, and then around the room. He looked down, pushed his empty bowl in her direction. He'd eaten the soup she'd given him, this time on his own, no imitating her every bite.

"Do you want some more soup?"

He nodded and managed a slight smile.

"Tell me. It's called soup."

He squinted over at her, unsure of what she was saying.

Janeway picked up the bowl, took it over to the replicator and returned a few seconds later with another full bowl of tomato soup. She placed it in front of him. "Soup," she announced. She reached her fingers out and touched his lips. "Say it for me. Soup."

He shook his head, pushed her hand away. He grabbed hold of his spoon and dipped it into the bowl. It was very apparent that talking held little appeal to him. He was much more interested in eating.

Janeway sat back and let him eat. So far, in retrospect, everything had come fairly easily to him. Eating, dressing, bathing. He'd managed it all in less than two days. She wondered how long it would take before he talked to her.

~vVv~

_He felt better. He was hungry._

_And then the tone of her voice changed._

_She wanted him to respond._

_He wanted to eat._

_She wanted him to talk. He knew that._

_He was still afraid to try._

~vVv~

He was sleeping when Torres arrived for her visit that afternoon. The two women sat in the living area discussing his lack of speech.

"I used to think of Chakotay as a man of few words," Torres said, leaning back in her chair, her feet propped on the coffee table. Something about seeing the captain in civilian dress made her a little more comfortable in her presence.

"I know what you mean. But, if he feels strongly about something, he's very eloquent."

Torres laughed. "In other words, you can't shut him up."

Janeway nodded. "Exactly." She sighed. "I just don't know what to do next. I almost withheld that bowl of soup at lunch, waiting for him to ask for it, but... I don't want to do that. I don't want to put him under any more pressure."

Torres thought for a moment. "Why do you think he's done the other things on his own? Eating, dressing?"

"Because I refused to do them for him, I guess. I mean, I laid his clothes out and left him in the bedroom. When I came back, he was dressed. I stopped feeding him; he fed himself."

"You told him how to take a bath, and he did it," Torres supplied.

"Right. But, how do I refuse to talk for him?"

Torres got up from her chair and began to pace back and forth in the room. She usually did her best thinking when she was pacing. And then it came to her. And she stopped and stared down at the captain.

"We just stop talking."

"What?"

Torres came back and sat on the edge of the chair she'd just vacated. "He's used to you talking. Or Kes. Or me. Everyone around him talks, so there's no need for him to talk. There's no...silence for him to fill up."

Janeway listened to Torres, and she began to understand what the woman was saying. "But, B'Elanna, it seems almost...cruel. I've noticed that he relaxes when we talk to him. He likes the sounds of our voices."

Torres' dark eyes fastened onto Janeway's. "Well, I like the sound of his voice, too. And I miss it."

Janeway exhaled a breath and stared down at the floor. Then she looked back up. "Drastic measures, huh?"

"If that's what it takes."

"All right. Let's try it."

~vVv~

He was awake. He stood in the doorway, staring at them.

Torres sat on the sofa. Janeway was at the desk.

He stood there for a long time.

Janeway knew he was expecting one of them to say something. They always spoke to him when he woke from a nap. It was difficult to remain silent.

After a while, he moved further into the room. Kes had left the blocks from the day before on the coffee table. Chakotay went and sat on the floor beside them. His hands began to manipulate them, forming them into patterns. He looked up, expecting one of them to react. Neither of them did.

He picked up a red block and turned to Torres. He extended it toward her. She didn't take it. Janeway saw his eyes drop, and he looked back at the table, and then over to her.

She got up from the desk and went over to a chair close to him. She sat down. He smiled and tried to give the block to her. She didn't take it either. His smile disappeared.

Janeway saw his lips move, his mouth working as if trying to form a word. And she knew the word. Red. She waited for him to say it.

He didn't.

His breathing increased, and she could hear it in the silence of the room, ragged and uneven. He was becoming upset. He made a slight groan.

He slammed the block on the table, and looked up at Janeway, expecting her to react, to talk. She didn't.

His eyes filled with tears and he pushed several of the other blocks off the table. In an instant, Janeway reached over and grabbed a red block. She extended her hand toward him, the block sitting in the middle of her palm.

Chakotay stared at it. And he tried to speak. "Re..."

Janeway nodded.

Tears escaped his eyes, and his lips trembled. On some level, she knew that he understood what she was doing.

He tried again. "Re...re...d."

Janeway released the breath she was holding and smiled. "Yes, Chakotay." She ran her other hand along his cheek, brushing away the tears. "That's right. Red."

She looked up at Torres. Chakotay wasn't the only one crying.

~vVv~

_It was silent. Too silent._

_They looked at him, but they wouldn't talk._

_Kathryn always talked. But not now._

_He went and sat beside the table. He tried to give B'Elanna the red block. Kes always smiled when he gave it to her. But B'Elanna didn't do anything._

_Kathryn didn't want it._

_It was red._

_He tried to tell her this._

_He was afraid. But he knew that's what she wanted him to do._

_She wanted him to talk._

_He tried again._

_He said the word._

_And there was no silence anymore._

~vVv~


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Notes: **I've had a great time posting this story. Thank you for reading. I really appreciate all the positive reviews.

Over the next few days, Janeway watched as he became more and more independent. And with that increasing independence came anger and frustration. He was more aware of what he could and couldn't do.

He could read. She was fairly sure of that. She'd found him at his desk computer on several occasions. She was unsure how much of his past logs he could understand, and he never attempted to type into the computer, but his eyes moved back and forth across the screen.

Sometimes, he would get his own food from the replicator using simple, one word requests. Soup, tea, coffee. Almost every verbalization was one word. And he'd yet to call her by name. Or say his own name.

Kes continued to work with him on logical reasoning. Janeway would watch his eyes fill with pride when he did the puzzles correctly, but as soon as he got something wrong, or was unable to complete a task, his frustration would increase. Many times he would push the puzzle to the floor, or leave the room, escaping into the relative privacy of his bedroom or the bathroom.

The Doctor assured Janeway that this was to be expected. This was the beginnings of self-awareness on a conscious level. Torres came to refer to it as Chakotay's "terrible two's." Janeway hated to think of it in childish terms, but she had to admit that Torres' description was fairly accurate. Janeway only hoped that it would take far less than a year for him to advance to the age of three and beyond.

She read out loud to him every night, and would try to get him to read to her. His speech was still very halting and complete sentences were rare.

"All right, Chakotay. Your turn." She handed him the computer padd and pointed to a sentence. "I know you can read it. Let me hear."

He tried to push the padd back into her hands and shook his head.

She refused to take it. "It's your turn."

He dropped the padd on the sofa, his gaze hardening. "No."

"Chakotay." Janeway took hold of his hand, picked up the padd, and pressed it back into his palm. "Read to me."

"No!" he yelled, throwing the padd across the room. He stood up and took a step toward the bedroom.

Janeway got to her feet, reached out and grabbed hold of his arm.

He swung around, his arm raised as if he were going to hit her, and then he froze.

Janeway stood perfectly still, her heart beating hard. He'd never been intentionally violent, not once in the past ten days. She watched as his eyes filled with tears. And then he dropped his gaze to the floor.

"Chakotay, look at me," she said quietly, re-establishing her hold on his arm.

He didn't look up. "Leave," he murmured.

Janeway shook her head. "Oh, no. I've spent over a week with you in this cabin, and I'm not leaving until you use more than one word to tell me to go."

He pulled away from her and went into the bedroom. Janeway waited a few moments and then followed him.

He was sitting cross legged in the middle of the bed, rocking back and forth, his arms folded over his chest. She went and sat down on the bed in front of him, her legs crossed, her knees touching his. His eyes were closed, his cheeks wet with tears.

She touched his face. "Look at me, Chakotay."

He didn't.

"Look at me." She held his head between her hands.

Slowly, his eyes opened, his lower lip trembled. "Please," he murmured.

"That's another word. Give me some more."

He swallowed convulsively and shook his head. "I...can't."

'Yes, you can." She smoothed her fingers over his face, and then up over his tattoo and through his hair. "I know it's hard, but you can do it."

He drew in a strangled breath. "I...I'm..." His next breaths came in short gasps. "Afraid," he managed, his mouth twisting into a grimace. "Afraid... Kathryn."

"I know. I'm right here." She held a hand to the back of his neck and gently pulled his head down on to her shoulder. "It's all right, Chakotay. You're almost there."

~vVv~

_He got angry with himself when he couldn't do something. Easy things were hard sometimes, and that made him mad._

_And he was embarrassed, because Kathryn saw that he couldn't do them._

_She always acted like it didn't matter. But it did._

_He was supposed to be strong for her._

_He was supposed to take care of her._

_He yelled at her and it frightened him._

_He wanted her to leave, but she wouldn't._

_She wasn't afraid of him. She wasn't angry. She held him._

_He knew he would be all right._

~vVv~

The words came much easier in the next few days, full sentences that progressed to complete conversations. Traces of frustration were still evident, but he handled them in a constructive manner. He got Torres to take him to the gym for some fast-paced games of hoverball.

Within another week, he felt as if he were back to normal. Kes and the Doctor agreed. Limited duty was in order, and if all went well, permanent duty would be granted.

"There's only one thing still out of place," Chakotay said, staring across the dinner table at Janeway.

"What is that?" she asked with a smile.

"You."

Janeway blinked. "Me?"

His eyes glinted. 'You're still sleeping on my sofa."

Janeway smiled again, a look of embarrassment crossing her features. "You're right. I am. Are you throwing me out?"

He grinned. "Well, not physically, but I think I'll be all right on my own."

"I think so, too."

He lowered his gaze, eyes studying the tops of his hands, fingers pressed against the table top. "Kathryn, I...I appreciate all you've done for me. I know... it's been difficult."

Janeway shrugged. "I had the easy part. You...you did all the work."

He looked up. "But I couldn't have done it without you."

She sighed, her eyes looking deep into his. "Do you remember that angry warrior you told me about?"

Chakotay nodded.

"Well, there's more to his legend. You see, he got lost one day, and the woman warrior had to go out looking for him. And when she found him, she had to help him find his own way back. It meant that she got a chance to put his needs before her own." Janeway leaned across the table and propped her arm on her elbow.

Chakotay pressed his palm against her hand, their fingers intertwining, his thumb rubbing gently over hers.

She smiled. "And together, they found the peace that he'd lost."

~The End~


End file.
